A Fitting Tribute

Over at Penn Radio, they’ve done a really moving show in honor of departing defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld, where hosts Penn Jillette and Michael Goudeau (along with several callers) share their “Absolutely True, Swear to God, Rumsfeld Stories.”

Given it a listen.

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Wingnut Evangelicals Think Mel Is A-Okay!

Well, the batshit-crazy sector has finally been heard from. You’ve got to figure they’ve been sitting around for the past few weeks thinking, “Sure, we hate the Jews as much as Mel, but we try not to say it out loud. We try to be more... subtle than that. You know, just implying that they’re agents of the Devil, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. But now we’ve got to respond to this. How embarrassing.” And then they spent weeks trying to devise a way that they could still agree with Mel (or “Melvin Gibstein,” as Penn Jillette suggests we dub him from here on out), without... you know, “agreeing” with him.

“Oh, Passion isn’t antisemitic at all. No, it’s just the way the Bible said... What do you mean, it’s not actually the way the Bible said? Nonsense! This is how I remember it, with all the kik... I mean, jews conspiring to kill our Lord and Savior! We’re all open and tolerant, you know, but come on... they are guilty here. Let’s not forget that.

“Oh, and I’m sure Mel didn’t mean any of it. It was the alcohol talking...”

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Take My Rights, Please!

ConstitutionToo bad I didn’t know about this before the holidays — it would have made a great stocking-stuffer: The Bill of Rights, Security Edition.

Fed up with overzealous TSA agents crawling up your ass with a microscope? (Tom?) Well, here’s a handy-dandy little gadget that will... well, okay, it won’t make even the most observant screener pause, but at the very least, it will serve to register a symbolic — even moderately absurdist — protest.

Your Bill of Rights (with Amendment IV given special red highlighting) printed on a pocket-size metal card. One guaranteed to trip the metal detectors, thus allowing you to dramatically hand over your rights under the Chancellor’s benevolent regime.

Hell, I might buy a whole bunch and mail them to Strauch, Gonzales, and the NSA while I’m at it. After all, I seriously doubt any of them have ever read it.

(Thanks to Penn Jillette — whose radio show is now available in handy-dandy bite-sized podcast form — for the heads-up.)

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