Eulogy for a Nation

Let us all join in a collective moment of silence, on this national day of mourning, the funeral of the once-great United States of America, which passed away in November of 2004. We all remember what an inspiring nation this was, what a noble ideal its founders envisioned, and lament the utter loss of that vision.

As today marks the official imposition of theocratic dictatorship on this country, we mourn the loss of such “obsolete and quaint” notions as freedom, liberty, and national pride. We mourn the loss of the Constitution. And we mourn the loss of this nation as a beacon of hope for the world rather than an oppressive regime.

Rest in peace, America. We truly loved you, and will never forget the true nobility you once embodied.


At 4:45 PM, Anonymous said...

Or, instead of mourning, you could be working to bring this nation back to greatness (or, as some of us believe, further along that scale) instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

But that's just my advice.

Tom Bridge

At 5:00 PM, Bill Coughlan said...

Tried that once. Four years ago. And look where that got us.

Never again.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Or, as the moron-in-chief puts it, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee... I know it’s in Texas, probably Tennessee too... that says fool me once... shame on... shame on you... fool me, can’t get fooled again.”

Unlike this vile excuse for a human being, I am not a blithering idiot.

At 5:59 PM, Anonymous said...

Then again, if you just give up, then you're failing this country even worse then I had imagined.

Don't give up Bill. There's more to this country than her president.


At 6:09 PM, Bill Coughlan said...

Oh, true. But I have trouble coming to grips with the fact that 51 percent of the American people (the American voters anyway) looked at this waste of space and said, “That’s my man!”

And in reality, I wouldn’t say I’m giving up — at least not entirely. I’ll still keep ranting here, and being as active as ever out in the real world. I may be ashamed to be an American right now, but I’m still living here.

(I think I’ve long established a pattern of using hyperbole and exaggeration to make a point. Regard the disclaimer at the bottom of the page.)

At 6:39 PM, Anonymous said...

It's not so much as "that's my man!" as "Well. Turd Sandwich or Giant Douche." *closes eyes and picks at random*

Neither of these candidates inspired anything other than "bleh" in 2004. Work harder to get better candidates.

At 6:48 PM, Bill Coughlan said...

I tried — believe me, I tried. Americans, on both sides, decided they’d rather have the turd and the douche.

Nice reference, though.

At 7:50 PM, Anonymous said...

Sure does say something about John Kerry, don't it?



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