Carry Me Out of Old Virginny

Okay, I could deal with the jokes about Virginia being a backwater haven for rednecks and imbeciles (I particularly liked Patton’s one-word summary of Virginia: “Books?”), if only by rationalizing that I lived in Northern Virginia, which holds little in common with the remainder of the state. Hell, Richmond is palatable culture-wise, and a pretty nice city to boot. Add in the university towns of Williamsburg and Charlottesville (I’ll even throw Harrisonburg in there) and you’ve got a fairly decent place to live.

That is, until you factor in the rest of the state. And the aforementioned rednecks and imbeciles — as exemplified by the state legislature.

First, the wingnuts decide to join the rest of the far-right freaks (and before anyone asks, I will not apologize for that characterization) by proposing to amend the state constitution to bar not only same-sex marriage, but any other possible legal arrangement between same-sex couples that would convey comparable rights (remember the woefully euphemistic Marriage Affirmation Act?).

But no, that’s not enough. Virginia lawmakers also have to add measures to require sexuality background checks on potential adoptive parents — to weed out those vicious, Satan-worshipping, anti-family-agenda homos — and start issuing “I Support Traditional Marriage” license plates. (I’m not saying anything, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if any such plates I see start getting supplemented with other, comparable hate-speech stickers. Again, not saying anything; I just wouldn’t be surprised.)

And finally, not content to show that Virginia’s firmly in the extreme right’s corner with regard to treatment of homosexuals, our elected officials are also determined to make us the nation’s laughingstock by — get this — outlawing any display of below-the-waist underwear. Yes, you heard that right. With all of the actual issues these weasels should be dealing with, some idiot wants to waste time establishing a statewide dress code.

Remind me again: Why the hell do I live in this backwards-ass state?