Unfortunate (if Apt) Naming Choice

So, is anyone else having trouble getting “Walking on Sunshine” out of their head?

Oh, I See, It’s All Our Fault

“If he thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability.”

Um, seems pretty damned clear to me. But somehow, we’ve all just misinterpreted Pat Robertson’s call to assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. Hey, you can argue as to whether or not his comments were justified, but to claim — not that he simply misspoke, or that he now regrets his comments — but that somehow it’s all our fault for “misinterpreting” him is just rank idiocy.

Every once in a while, Pam asks if I’d like to move down to Virginia Beach. And every time, my answer is exactly the same: As long as this nutcase pretty effectively owns the town, it ain’t gonna happen.

Breaking Silence

Ahhh, finally! Anybody who knows me well knows I don’t do well with secrets. But back in February, I (through Tohubohu Productions) made a little video, about which I had to keep my big yap shut. And somehow, I managed to do so. Until today, that is.

NBC just announced the cast for the upcoming show The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. And one of the contestants (Sarah, the 25-year-old event planner) is a coworker of mine. But back in February, of course, she was just another hopeful.

So in a bizarre revisiting of past events — I had previously made an (ultimately unsuccessful) audition video for a prospective contestant on the Donald Trump edition of the show — I got behind the camera for yet another Apprentice audition.

Only this time, the contestant made it.

Don’t get me wrong — my part in this accomplishment is exceedingly minor; I could have made the greatest video in the world, and it wouldn’t have gotten an unexceptional candidate in the door. But still, it’s nice to feel like I’m progressing just a bit, from merely garnering a follow-up interview before to getting a competition slot.

And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited at the prospect of potentially seeing even a few frames of my work show up on NBC (or conceivably the eventual DVD edition of the show).

(Oh, and before anyone asks, I have no idea what happened on the set, or what Martha’s much-debated “catch phrase” will be. Beyond what I’ve just revealed above, I’m as much in the dark as anyone else.)

I Lead a Sheltered Life

There’s a first time for everything, I suppose.

So I’m coming back to the office from a departmental boat trip last night around 11:15 or so, along with Adam and Dave, a couple of coworkers. (Yeah, the younger crowd is still partying over in Georgetown, but we suburbanites have to make the trek out into the boonies, so we’re calling it a night.) As we approach our building along M Street, we notice a young woman approaching from the opposite direction. Thin, blonde, and wearing a matching green skirt and numbered jersey. “Heh, the cheerleaders are out,” Adam comments, but we don’t think too much of it — an unusual choice for evening attire, but not out of the realm of possibility.

Suddenly, as we cross paths, she stops and puts on the biggest smile and faux-sweet act: “Heeeey, guys, where are you headed?”

It hits us all at once — she’s a pro.

Stunned into silence for a moment (after all, this is the middle of M Street on a “school night”), my mind goes blank. Fortunately, Dave keeps his wits and just says, “Back to the office; right there,” and we move along.

No, it’s not a big deal by any stretch of the imagination, but it occurs to me that after working in this city for more than a decade, I’ve never been propositioned before. For something that, distasteful though it may be, I would have assumed to be part of city life, I’m honestly surprised.

Sometimes Religion and Logic Don’t Mix

Sometimes I just have trouble understanding — or rather believing — these things.

So you’re a “college” dedicated to the proposition of infiltrating our political and business institutions to push your extreme-right Christian ideology. And then you turn around and fire an employee for doing exactly that. Only this guy wasn’t doing it in such a ridiculously over-the-top, conspiratorial manner: All he did was put flyers about his church in peoples’ mailboxes. And not a non-Christian among the recipients — after all, they were your own students.

Now, I can see taking action with the rationale that an employee can’t solicit students. That’s perfectly reasonable (assuming it’s applied across the board, naturally); in fact, I’d expect that’s a matter of policy at any number of institutions. But the actual rationale for the firing stems from a ludicrously minor theological disagreement: Jeremy Hunley’s church believes that baptism is essential to salvation; the school preaches that faith alone is required. In other words, the proselytizing itself was fine and dandy, but just not with that exact message.

Some of the legal fallout boils down to severance contract violations, which I won’t dispute (you agree to severance terms, you have to abide by them, like it or not). But basically, what this all boils down to is a group devoted to forcing its own narrow-minded worldview down the rest of our throats got a taste of its own medicine, and can’t handle it. And the lot of them just can’t understand how the fact that they don’t want to have to abide a message counter to their own beliefs — even in only minor detail — might translate to the way the country at large just could feel about them.

Whatever their agenda, the fact that they can’t make that basic logical leap is reason enough to write off Patrick Henry College — and any graduates thereof — as unworthy of the slightest legitimate consideration.

Spam Settlement

Anybody else think that a seven million dollar settlement is letting the ignominious Scott “Spam King” Richter off way too lightly? Granted, in comparison with the $50,000 slap on the wrist he got from New York, it’s certainly an improvement, but still...

I was kind of hoping for pitchforks and torches...

(And for anyone who wants a little more background, check out his now-infamous Daily Show appearance.)

A Particular Recommendation

I don’t often make just a blanket site recommendation here, but after a six-month hiatus, Dan over at From the Marble Bar began writing again this past June. I held off pointing this out, as I was unsure as to the expected longevity of this return (particularly as my last such recommendation immediately preceded the aforementioned hiatus), but this time, it appears to have stuck. So if you’ve got a taste for fine writing, elegant (if decidedly off-kilter) lifestyle commentary, and a sharply creative wit, give it a read. You won’t be disappointed.

Torture? Fine and Dandy. Sex? String Him Up!

Let me see if I understand this.

We’re hopelessly entangled in a quagmire in Iraq (current U.S. military deaths: 1,842; overall deaths: at least 23,456). Our executive branch is torturing prisoners right and left (and blaming lowly foot soldiers in the process). The regime signs a whopping payoff to the energy industry, an explicit piece of graft (along the lines of the recent payoffs to the pharmaceutical and credit card industries) proving once and for all that they’re as crooked as three-dollar bills.

But this is what we get our panties in a bunch about? A general — just months before retirement — is drummed out because (gasp!) he had an extramarital affair! Not with someone under his command, mind you, or anyone involved in the military-industrial complex, or a foreign power, but a garden-variety citizen (at least as far as has been revealed).

Talk about rank hypocrisy (if not more — I smell cover-up). I’ll wait to see what the public reaction to this is, but if folks start thinking this is a good thing, it’ll sure make it all the more difficult for me to give a rat’s ass about a country with its priorities so ridiculously far out of whack.

“Caligula: Not So Bad”

As was pointed out in the definitive textbook on American history and its political system — America (The Book) — one of the most damning political smear campaigns in world history was that against Caligula, in which he was portrayed as not such a bad guy after all. For someone who prided himself on his decadence and barbarism, this was tantamount to a lethal blow. (It’s worth noting that the allegations were, of course, false. Caligula didn’t have a decent bone in his body.)

And now we have pretty much the same thing, with the revelation that John Roberts worked in support of gay rights on a pro bono basis back when he was with Hogan & Hartson here in Washington. Suddenly, the darling of the fascistic “Christian” right is no longer the poster boy they’d hoped for. As Richard Cohen expresses so eloquently in today’s column, John Roberts is actually a human being, who cares about basic human rights.

The left still has plenty of room to question Roberts’s stands on other issues, but I think the most mileage can probably be gained by taking a lesson from history. Especially since, unlike Caligula, he may actually be a decent person.

Tohubohu on the Big Screen

You’ve waited, you’ve wondered... and now here’s your chance to catch not one but all five Tohubohu short films on the big screen.

And as if that’s not enough, you’ll also see award-winning shorts from Gann Films (Signs, the Best-of-DC entry in last year’s 48 Hour Film Project) and WIT Films (Occupational Hazard, the Best-of-DC entry in this year’s 48HFP), a new short from Burning Toast Productions (The Real Life: Garden of Eden), as well as the long-awaited public premiere of the Red Baron/Team Jabberwocky production Bystander. Not to mention a stand-up performance by comedian Rory Scovel. And a filmmakers’s Q&A afterward.

It’s all happening as part of the Local Filmmaker and Community Night at the Avalon Theatre on Connecticut Avenue on Wednesday, August 24th. Tickets are just $8.50 apiece — and we’d really like to sell out the house. So if you’re in the area, please come out and see us. Hell, I’ll autograph your... whatever.